HELLO
I'm with Scotty in that I have lived many xxx multiple lives in this one & the body is in repair mode currently but, But I am so fortunate to live here in this country where I can critisize, participate & be rescued via our systems that were created by compassionate thinking ancestors & Our Generation that I think has taken a great leap forward in the legal system to protect & help those that need it. Lol Maybe too much leaping with too many laws but a lot of good ones that came out of the experiences we have shared through being women & men, mothers & fathers & friends {{*,_,*}}

The word Crone is so interesting. I started refering to myself as a crone at 50 & most often If someone thought they had an understanding of the word it was a negative MacBeth's witch connotation while I'm thinking "damn, I've made it this far! I passed over the hot coals...." ('course there are always new fires to put out but you do it with an aplomb that wasn't there before). I also thought of 'crone' in the Traditional medical sense of past menopause & hopefully able to heal or teach others 'what not to do as I have done....'.}}

It feels good just to know there are 50+ people out there still playing. Playing, laughing at myself (hmmm sounds narcissitic being the object of my own humor). I think besides having to come to grips, acknowledge some health issues, it isn't a 2 year flu that's going to go away...., my big step has been to turn my house into my giant playhouse that I didn't have as a child. I have my cats, dogs, garden, dolls = all kinds of toys for me.

As for older women being standoffish I think it is a mixture of possibilities. Myself I just never learned to make good choices & til I do I will sit back (finally). Once a friend said I treat men the way men treat women but I think it's more the commonness between sexes that a nice thigh bone just obliterates good brain cells }. Also with health problems & not being in a secure long term relationship I found that dating was a stress bcz I was being asked to 'explain' myself when I was not able or did not want to participate. Though we may be on the short straw for fining a partner we're, both men & women, fuller in our own lives, maybe?? That fuller bag can be filled with good & bad things but we're dealing & that is wonderful; at least good enough.

I know also that I am almost afraid of my 'neediness' in a partner & I run scared at the 'neediness' I feel in older men. Kinda funny there. When we're young we might not recognize that as apart of ourself & just rush in to affairs but older my very own needs, needs outside of my emotional ones too, exclude me from rushing in where invited.

Does anyone else worry about if I wasn't satisfactory when I was young & perfect how in the hell will I satisfy now that I'ma cranky ol' lady with set ways?????